On the road (Micro juvenil o no en inglés)

[noramu]

Pues aquí va el ejercicio de hoy. Este ha sido sólo a dos manos que estamos de fiesta mayor. En azul la frase inicial obligatoria.

On the road

All the afternoon we travelled along the magnificent road that would bring us to the cabin we had rented. It was a steep and narrow road with many curves going up the valley of the Thur in the Canton of Toggenburg and we had to drive very slowly. Even though the sights were very nice I was a little fed up and started to feel sick. My brother was asleep, as always, and my parents talked about the interesting hikes we would do. What did they find so interesting about putting on those uncomfortable shoes and walking for hours wondering about flowers and admiring bushes ? This was a question I couldn't understand. And on top of it, the cabin was in the crest of a hill with no flat space to play ball!
Suddenly we heard a noise like a shot and where all silent. It was getting dark and we couldn't see right what was going on. Slowly the car started to bend to the left and stopped. Nobody spoke. My father said that we should be quiet and heroically opened the door a little. After looking around he stepped outside and went around the car. After a moment that seemed very long he signaled us to get out. What we saw left us speechless. Looking at us with scared eyes lay a goat with only one horn. In the half darkness we couldn't see if it was injured but with the flashlight we could check that it was not. But the missing horn was embedded in our tire.
A long walk awaited us until the cabin at top of the road. So we took our backpacks, shared a small meal with the toggenburger goat and started to walk. Two hours later we arrived exhausted to the cabin and the last thing I heard before falling asleep with a smile was my father saying "Never again".

[lucia]

What about everything went silent here? Lo digo por el where, que suena muy raro.

Suddenly we heard a noise like a shot and where all silent.

Por lo demás, tiene hasta gracia lo de la cabra, aunque mira que es raro pinchar con un cuerno

[noramu]

Mejor, Lucía, gracias. Es que estoy hasta el cuerno

[mariki]

Me ha gustado

Un truquito con las comas. Cuando pongáis adverbios (o sintagmas o subordinadas) al principio de la frase, colocad una coma detrás.

Por ej: even though.... nice, I was... / Suddenly, we heard...

Creo que os faltaría un sujeto antes de heroically.

Muy buen relato

[noramu]

Muchas gracias, Mariki. Menudo trabajo te estamos dando y tú que pensabas que aún estabas de vacaciones

Tendremos en cuenta tu truco de las comas.

¿En serio hay que repetir el sujeto? ¿No es redundante?

My father said that we should be quiet and he heroically opened the door a little.

[mariki]

No importa Tan sólo estoy señalando algunas cosillas. No es una corrección detenida

No creo que sea redundante. Ya sabes que en inglés el sujeto es obligatorio. En pocas ocasiones y cuando es muy claro se puede omitir. En esa frase si te fijas, hay otro sujeto en medio, "we", y puede dar a entender que nosotros abrimos la puerta. Yo diría que nunca te va a sobrar un sujeto en inglés (obviando relativas y cosas de esas)